Laundry

The crew laundromats, while technically are free, are generating a shopping spree I wasn’t counting on!! All my clothes go into the machine one color come out another! The ship uses “recycled” water that leaves everything kinda dinghy, drab and somehow irreversibly misshapen!! So I had to trash several items, and buy new.

Buying new was a new experience . . .

Typically I shop at Barnum & Bailey and grab the medium size circus tent in my favorite color and call it a day! I tried that this time around, and they seem a little roomier than I remember, but hey, I haven’t got time to diddle, I’ve been wearing medium size circus tent for years! This is MY SIZE!! So I bought a bunch of items and marched confidently out the door.

Weeks go by, and its bugging me that my new medium size circus tents are swimming on me. So I worked up the nerve to go to a regular store, and try on Maternity stretch wear! These actually fit!! Without severely restricting blood flow and oxygen!!

So I guess, there is something to be said for diet and exercise. You work everyday 8+ hours a day, and when you have the time, wolf down a bagel, 3 tiny slices of pineapple for breakfast, a scoop of rice with curry over the top for dinner, you’re bound to lose weight!

It’s safe to say, I’ll be puttin’ the weight back on when I get back home . . .

Sick at Sea

My new employer, NCL, really frowns on you taking anytime off work, regardless of the circumstances. Last week I got the mother of all sickness!!! I had actually made peace with the fact that if I died, (and I fervently hoped that I would) it’d be okay. I missed two days of work and the other five days I barely worked 50 mins. Considering I’m paid microminimum wage, I can only guess that paycheck will be miniscule.

After a trip to the ship’s doctor, I received a packet of amoxicillan, 600 mg ibuprofen, jar of cough syrup, packet of sore throat lozenges. Nine days later, I feel better, though my energy level is extremely low, still feel really weak.

Needless to say, every other crew member has the exact same bug, so I can only imagine it will take many weeks for this thing to completely run its course.

(sigh)

9-1-1

Being at sea, in case of an emergency, when you dial 9-1-1, the 9-1-1 team is ME!! Well, not only me, but also my fellow crew members. There is the Medical team, Fire team, Lifeboat team, Pollution in the ocean team, Man Overboard team (this team is damn near wore out!) and Damage to the ship team.

Every Saturday at 4 p.m., I and about 60 other crew members have to help passengers practice a lifeboat/evacuation drill (PAX Drill). Each crew member and passenger is assigned a station and we go through the motions of putting on our lifejackets and point to where we’d board the lifeboat. Very similar to the airline’s “In Case of an Emergency” demonstration.

This all sounds well and good, except for the fact, I can’t find my way around this goddamned ship and passengers are relying on me to help them navigate their way to their safety station!!! Now, I ask you, how is that gonna work in case of a real emergency? It ain’t!! I pray to the powers that be, we never have a real emergency in my next 3 months at sea...I'm gonna have to dial 9-1-1!

Vampires

For the life of me, I don’t know why folks feel compelled to stay up past midnight. I mean really, what are you accomplishing? The few times I’ve scampered through the hallways from the club to my cabin, I see a lot of nonsensical conversations taking place, lots of standing around texting, running from cabin to cabin for follow up nonsensical conversation, or bored faces gazing at nothing! Then I get to deal with their saggy draggy asses the next morning complaining of how tired they are and want coffee and a Red Bull! - NOW!!!

My new friend, Jimmy, is guilty of the aforementioned behavior. When I asked him is it worth it. He was too tired to respond. He merely shrugged his droopy shoulders, rubbed his puffy red eyes and fumbled with his free hand for a Red Bull.

I have a suggestion, get your stupid self to bed!