Ha! Ha? . . . Huh?

Working in the Crew Mess we prepare the foods, but there are many many servers who replenish the food. Anyhow, one kid "Jimmy" asked me if I like Mexican food, because there was a place in Kauai that had FANTASTIC food and margaritas. He went on and on about the fabulous margaritas and how much I'd love them, they make the best he's ever had, blah, blah, blah. Now I'm looking at this kid and realize he probably doesn't even shave yet, he's so young, so I ask him, "Are you legal to drink?" His reply was, "Yep! 10 days!"

I laughed so hard, loud and long I gave myself a headache! Jimmy really knows his liquors!

* * * * * * * *

John who also works in Crew Mess, is this ENORMOUS beast of a man who talks with a nasal Texas twang. John's goal is to make 6 pizzas in 10 hours. Sometimes he can get it done within the given time frame, most times not. He ain't motivated to move too fast. So, John is explaining to me how fabulous his pizzas are and all the different toppings he puts on them - onions, peppers, cheese, mushrooms, pepperoni (THAT'S IT!) I asked him if he has ever made a margherita pizza, he looked at me horrified and said, "No, we can't make that here." I told him its not made with alcohol. He said, "Oh, I know, it's just too tedious to make here. I said, "Really? It has 3 ingredients: basil, cheese and pizza sauce." He doesn't talk to me anymore about the fine art of pizza making.

Today, I was assigned to make his pizzas, he was visibly trembling when he had to hand over the stuff. He'll flip tomorrow when he finds out I made a meatball pizza, asparagus and chicken pizza and a meat lovers pizza. Dept. Dir of F&B high fived me when he saw I'd made the meatball pizzas. John's gonna hate me . . .

Double Take

I've seen 3 celebrity look-a-likes on board:

Tom Welling (Smallville)
Collin Powell (WMD frontman)

It's all I could do to keep from waving and giggling like a fool!

Chef Smelly Ass, my boss, looks like a slimmed down version of Mr. Haney from Green Acres. No giggling or waving involved there . . .

Aha!

Since working for NCL psuedo-navy, I've now discovered why it is one can become so easily addicted to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. The pressure to conform to "order" is tremendous. Hierarchy is EVERYTHING! And you are immediately put in your place even without it verbally being said. I'll give you an example . . . .

I work 7 days a week, I was issued 3 uniforms. It takes laundry 3-4 days to return your laundry. After working 8 mins. in the kitchen I'm covered in muck!! My uniform is destroyed. So I'm now forced to wear filthy clothing several days in a row. Executive sous chefs march around in pristine uniforms. I guess, I'm put in my place. So, being the wicked person I am, I've worn the most disgustingly filthy dirty uniform to work for the past 5 days - I ain't changing it either!

This is just one of the many many ways one is doggedly, incessantly, relentlessly pummelled with feelings of inadequacy. Not to mention the numerous rules/regulations that instill fear in one. You are guaranteed a write up, suspension, docking, retaliation if there is any suspicion of you breaking a rule.

It's no wonder I've always been in conflict with management. I can't knuckle under. It's physically, emotionally, spiritually impossible for me to do. I have no interest in making those in higher positions feel superior - to me? Fuck 'em!

Granted I pay the consequences, like the time I called the Capt. a liar. But since then, whenever he sees me he shouts "Hi, There!!" The Dep. Dir. of Food & Beverage is currently trying to figure out why I don't shudder in his very presence. I'm gonna get him a helmet, cause we will be buttin' heads soon . . .

Progress!!

While making cajun catfish, chili mac, italian sausage pasta, fruit salsa, vegetable stir-fry, grilled ham steaks, bbq ribs, and lord I can't remember what else, my co-workers started calling me "Miss Lisa". HIP HIP HOORAY!!

Chef Smelly Ass returned from his week long training, he spied me on the gangway when I was leaving for my morning run he shouted "HEY!" I smiled, he threw open his arms and hugged me - WTF??! When did we quantum leap to huggin'?

The Job

Well, since I've started working in Crew Mess galley, I've made, pastrami sandwiches, chicken fricasee, red snapper, french fries, cod, pasta, pasta, pasta, diced bacon, and chives, for approximately, 250 people. The crew buffet is ENORMOUS and I get a tiny portion of it to prepare. Yes, I love it! I'm learning so much! Mostly how to use new equipment and kitchen strategies/dynamics.

There were 6 of us who started new on the ship, as a result EVERYONE's hours were cut. NOBODY is happy about that. The tension in the galley is palatable. I understand their grumblings. You are paid minimum wage, and the OT is what makes it manageable. 6 newbies snatching your crumbs makes for a tense situation.

Two dudes who've been training me are helpful, one's English I can't understand, he asked me to make "morning sauce" I told him I don't know what a morning sauce was. He then rattled off the ingredients, I quickly understood it to be a bechamel with cheese, he's call it a mornay sauce. But if my memory is correct, mornay sauce really has a tomato product added. So, you see my dilemma. This coupled with the other trainer who keeps calling me "sweetie", "momma", "baby", and "honey", each time I tell him, my name is Lisa. FINALLY he got it yesterday, when I said, you know that little pile of money you're saving? It could be wiped out with a sexual harassment case. He blanched and immediately started using my proper name. Idiot!

Fire Hydrant

You know when you take your dog for a walk, and it feels compelled to pee on every single, tree, post, fire hydrant, tire, shrub? Well, I feel like that tree, post, hydrant and shrub. Since I'm new every man with or without teeth, limited proper English speak skills, is dying to chat me up!!

I'll give you an example, I'm getting off the ship for the first time last night, dude stops me in the stairwell (2-2-22, important to know in case of emergency) and tells me he likes is sistas thick, this was complete with hand gestures as to where the "thickness" should be...oh, yeah, thanks.. Then standing in the pier, waiting for the shuttle three circling sharks intermittently asked me if I'd like to go out with them for the evening - HELL NO!! I live with you, work beside you, last thing I want is to party with you!

It's breakfast time, so I have to go in the Crew Mess, hopefully find a table with a bunch of other women or buddy up with one of my classmates which sorta slows down the toothless and clueless. I'm told this is because I'm new and there all hoping for a shot. Wha they don't know is there about to get shot.

Get to Work!

Basic Safety Training ends today! So, if you are ever in need of me performing CPR, bandage a wound, call for help, shimmy in/out of a life preserver, dive in/out of a life raft, put out a fire using a hose and/or fire extinguisher, show you to your muster station, and a myriad of other safety related procedures, I'm your gal. WHEW! I'll need more luggage to haul all these certificates home!

I finally received my job assignment!! I'll be working in the Crew Dining Hall. Or the correct term, "Crew Mess". I know I'll be working a minimum of 57 hours a week. My gut instinct tells me the reason it took so long to receive this info is due to the fact, there is a glut of Asst. Cooks and they're scratching their heads trying to figure out where we should go.

I met my supervisor last night, he looked like someone had pulled him out from under a garbage pail. His introductory words to to me were, "I'll be away this week to a training, so you won't have to see my smelly ass." Then he proceeded to chat up my 19 y.o. classmate, reminscing about Michigan. Nice......

I don't know my schedule, I'll have to follow up with that after class today.