Sailing around the Hawaiian Islands, our cruise ship, Pride of America strives to make it as authentically Hawaiian as possible. We have a Hawaiian Ambassador, China, who lives on board, to impart Hawaiian traditions/history to the guests. She’s a very nice lady, with the patience of Job. Whenever I see her I say, “Hi, China!” She grins so wide I can count all 1,131 of her teeth, and breathily says, “Aloha!”

Anyhow, Aloha (hello/goodbye) Mahalo (thank you) are used ad nauseam amongst the crew members. I ain’t sayin’ it, nor will I ever.

My new friend, James, is a server in Crew Mess. His job is to set up the hot/cold food lines, once we make it, re-fill the punch machine, set up the dessert station, make ice cream, etc. One day, I was irritatingly complaining about the only option for dessert was chocolate ice cream. I continued rave about how I can’t eat chocolate this late, blah, blah, whine, whine, piss and moan, pout.

James graciously said, “Oh, let me check for you. Hmm, let’s see chocolate here and chocolate here too.” He then looked me directly in the eye, smiled ever so sweetly and said, “Mahalo!

Mollified, I shut up, hustled along and sat down to eat my meal. Then it dawned on me, he just told me to "Shut the fuck up! It is what it is! It’s a free meal! This is all there is, take it or leave it and move on!" Mahalo!

Let me tell you, I laughed so hard, so loud and for so long, I nearly blacked out.