Physiognomy

I can’t pronounce this word (physiognomy) to save my life and I hope I’m using it correctly, as it accurately describes what I want to blog. The of metamorphosis of a person’s facial features as they navigate their way through a 5 month contract. Especially their first contract. It’s the “look” of someone’s face that tells you exactly their stage of metamorphosis.

PUPPY FACE: The first week on board every one is bright-eyed, smiling faces, chatty, and full of eager expectations. After the rigorous training, you are finally given a position, complete with uniform and schedule. The look of relief is palpable. You can’t wait to get in the middle of it all, be productive and fit in!

DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS: Somewhere between week two and four, it dawns on you, management is dangerously disorganized. Management’s attempts to hide the fact, result in constant condescension, threatened with write ups, taunted with “Warning Sessions”, generally keeping you in fear of losing the minuscule privileges you actually have.

Crew members act out or cope by indulging in excessive smoking, alcohol abuse and sex. Sex has many different forms, i.e., nonstop flirtations, sexual innuendoes, vulgarity and random copulating with anyone that stands still longer than 3 seconds.

Those eager puppy eyes have now been exchanged for vacant eye sockets. Their bodies “play act” by going through the motions to maintain some semblance of normalcy. This is unnerving and very disheartening to witness. Typically this is when the majority of people get fired due to over indulgences.

Deer in the Headlights stage lasts the longest until you’ve reached the 45 days to disembarkation. Then you morph again.

ZOMBIE: The acting out or “coping stage” has a vicious back lash. The everyday work day tedium, management’s bullying and overindulgences have literally pummeled the body senseless. Faces have taken on a grey pallor, eyes sunken and your gait is a 29 forward pitch at a rapid clip. My guess is the leaning and fast walking is your meager attempt to move the calendar forward. You’re on auto-pilot. Your auto-pilot has auto-pilot!

You’ve reached a level of deprivation, so deep you couldn’t find your nose if it was bright-red with a bell on it! Your body is crying out in agony. Constant headaches, nonstop cold symptoms, wierd rashes, feet and legs in searing pain. OUCH! You hurt!

Then you have the disheveled, disoriented, confused, “I’m rapidly spiraling out of control” moments. Jay said to me the other day, “Hi Lisa, mattress subtract cauliflower could possibly porcupine.” He had miss-buttoned his shirt, and in his shirt pocket I spied an unwrapped folded peanut butter and jelly sandwich! He wasn’t drunk or high just flat out exhausted. He was leaving in 23 days.

Next you start handing out verbal abuse, like it’s candy to Trick-a-Treaters. Yours truly has succumbed to the verbal abuse. She bellowed herself hoarse, for her co-worker to kiss her derriere! This statement was received with stunned and shocked faces. Fortunately, co-worker didn’t feed into my tantrum, he ignored me. Others have not been so lucky. I’ve seen people howling profanity into trash cans, swinging fists of fury into the thin air around them, wildly kicking a plastic straw, wrestling with crew members over a bottle of ketchup.

We’re a mess.